How To Stop High Performers Getting Poached
Exit interview after exit interview, you are becoming increasingly aware that competitors are after your top performing employees. They are laying waste to your business and its performance.
Your best are being poached and it seems there is no way to seal the continuous wounds being inflicted on your company. That’s why i’ve established the following “foolproof” strategies to ensure that your employees are never taken from you again.
- Force your whole company to get off of LinkedIn, or at least the top performing employees
- Carry out some NSA style practices and start monitoring your employee’s phone calls
- Use drones to track the every movement of your people .That lunch break might be a cheeky interview, and why is that sick employee at the gym?!
- Weekly lie detector tests
- Post up “dummy jobs” to see if your people are looking around
- Never train your employees
- Train your employees to be bad
- Deskill your top performing employees
- Don’t make performance measurable so no one will know how good they are!
- Don’t employ anyone
- Make your front desk team experts at screening out cold callers
- Buy every recruitment agency in the market
- Fight fire with fire and poach everyone else
- Put false contact information for your company on the internet
- Give every employee an inappropriate LinkedIn picture if you haven’t followed my surveillance strategies
You should know by now that i’m not entirely serious. It’s Hong Kong folks! It’s crowded, words spread like wildfire and the city is seemingly always near full employment. Your top performing employees are going to get prospected. You should feel good about poachers getting interested in your “big-game” because it shows that your business is nurturing valuable human capital. Stopping someone else getting their sticky paws on your people because they are just so darn good is a whole other battle! It comes down to you as an employer being awesome at engaging your employees, keeping them challenged and rewarded. Treat them as individuals and not digits on a spreadsheet. If you can’t do this then you probably don’t deserve them.